Unless You Dream of Me
by Kimiko1
Summary: *CHAPTER 2 IS UP!* SLASH - Harlan digs Radu, but isn't coping well. WIP
1. Prologue: Break Down

**Disclaimer:** The _Christa_ and her crew do not belong to me; they belong to Nickelodeon (but do you know, those blokes never played with them properly?), and to Peter David and Bill Mumy (who most certainly _did_); and I'm not certain, but I think the actors are meant to have some claim on the characters. (I'd just like to take this moment to assert that the actors are all fabulous people whom I deeply admire.) No disrespect is meant by this immense, self-indulgent waste of my time; it is intended only for personal enjoyment. I'm certainly not getting paid for it - who on earth would pay me to write fanfic? - and no one ought to sue me; I _need_ this last dollar-fifty to do my bloody _laundry_.

**Rating:** +/- R

**Warnings:** SLASH! - with nasty, big, pointy teeth. All right, so no pointy teeth - but guys attracted to each other and not the Leading Ladies. Not your bag? Piss off, then. You've got a Back Button; use it. Angst. Language. Adult Themes. Second season? What second season? Suzee intends to remain happily invisible in this universe.

**Spoilers:** Most, if not all, of Season 1.

**Pairing:** Harlan/Radu

**Category:** Angst, Romance

**Summary:** Um. Harlan digs Radu, but isn't handling it well.

**A/N:** I've been trying to get back into this fic ever since I came back to school this semester; I'd left the relevant materials at my parents' house. I'm going to do the best I can with what I've brought with me since Thanksgiving, but I don't rightly remember what my plan had been, so if the fic seems a bit erratic, put it down to that. Should be all right, though. Oh! This ickle bit of a prologue is set pre-series, but I'm pretty sure the rest will be during.

  
  
  
**Prologue: Break Down**

It was the only way he'd known how to deal with it at the time.

All of it - the glares, the hatred, the unspeakably cruel remarks - it had all come from fear. He hadn't understood it; but then, he didn't spend a lot of time on trying to understand things. He had just lashed out, almost without warning, until it became a pattern. Bait. Bait. Lunge.

Like fencing, only - just offense. Never defense.

Why wasn't there any defense?

_Doesn't he hate me too?_

Slash. Thrust. Never parry.

Perhaps it was this lack of resistance that finally wore him down, made him snap. Perhaps not. In the end it didn't matter what had caused it; there he was, breaking his fists with trying to evoke some reaction. Cracking the slim bones against the body before him, trying to hurt. Knowing it was fruitless.

_Why can't I fucking break him?_

Frustration. Blood. Pain.

"I'm sorry."

_What?_ How could he be sorry? Sorry for being what he was. Harlan hadn't understood it at the time - hadn't realised that maybe, just maybe, he could break him after all, that maybe it was a different kind of pain he'd been inflicting. But then, he didn't spend a lot of time on trying to understand things.

He had been shocked out of his rage, and he had just run.

It hadn't changed anything. But somehow, everything had changed.


	2. Chapter 1: Naïve

**The Honour Roll:** This is something J. L. Matthews does, with her epic "Slytherin Rising", and I think it's a fabulous idea. I would like to thank the following people for their reviews and emailed feedback: eternal_washu (newly Ship's Cook), Mousie, Fireagle (who is heartily encouraged to join the 'ship if she likes), Silver Angel (I want to see!), Maj. Madismo ("Chaucer" is finished, but don't worry - this promises to be quite extensive) and Betty Blacklungs (write it! Write it! Write it!). Thank you all! ^_^ (But, oi! Mikey! Where are you, buddy?) Two points to anyone who catches the Shakespeare reference in this chapter.

**A/N:** Well, all the fic outlines that I had done and left at my parents' house - it's all been thrown out. Mum cleaned my old room whilst I was at school last semester, and apparently a haphazard arrangement of incoherent scrawlings on torn-out sheets of notebook paper doesn't look important enough to save. (She keeps the sign that was on my dorm room door last year, but not my fic outlines. Go figure.) So, in light of this bereavement, this chapter is only about half as long as I would have liked, and the next installment may be somewhat long in coming, though I do hope to have something by mid-February. Thank you for your continued patience.

**Spoilers:** for Season 1 episode 2, "Who Goes Where?". It looks like most of my chapters are going to be set around various episodes, so I'll be adding a spoiler warning to the prologue.

  
  
  
Chapter One: Naïve

_Up, up and away - away from me   
Well it's all right   
You can all sleep sound tonight   
I'm not crazy or anything_   
**~Five For Fighting, "Superman"**

  
  
  
Radu drew the eye. It was obvious that he never intended to do so, yet there he was, doing it as if in spite of himself. It was his own damn fault if Harlan stared at him. He was just keeping an eye on him, he reminded himself - watching this potential threat so he could be certain it wouldn't get out of hand. So he could be ready to neutralize it if it did.

He had himself almost totally convinced.

Focused on Suzee though her attention may have been, it did not take Catalina long to notice her friend's preoccupation. It was little trouble to confront him in the Team Room one afternoon.

"Harlan, what is the deal with you lately?" she demanded.

He scowled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Cat rolled her eyes. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." Comprehension refused to dawn. "I'm talking about Radu and the way you've been staring at him."

Harlan scoffed. How dare she - ? It was none of her fucking business! "So what? I don't trust him."

"Obviously." She scowled. "Suzee thinks you ought to leave him alone."

"Great," said Harlan, "now we bring in the imaginary friend!" What was this, a freak show?

"She's not imaginary," said Cat, "she's invisible. There's a difference."

_Right_. "Well, whatever she is, she's not my mother, and neither are you!" He punched up the boys' bunkroom on the jumptube controls.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Leaving." He turned around and glared at her. "I'm not going to stay here and listen to this."

"You're really starting to put him on edge," said Cat, concern creeping into her voice.

"Good," he said, as he disappeared down the 'tube.

  
  
  
Harlan drew the ear. It wasn't just that he was loud - though he was that - but also that he had caught Radu's interest the instant they had met. Even when he spent most of his time glaring at you, you felt just a bit privileged to hold his attention.

It probably didn't hurt that he was gorgeous.

Radu had felt attraction before, when he had been younger, back home among his own people. That had been nothing to this slow heat that set him on fire each time Harlan met his gaze. He had never felt this way about anyone before, and he didn't know how to react - except to pay attention to everything Harlan said and did, because he couldn't help it.

Which was doubtless the reason he had noticed immediately when Harlan started watching him.

It was, of course, too much to hope for that Harlan might watch him for the same reason he kept a corner of his hearing trained on Harlan. As things stood between them, he started guiltily each time he heard Harlan's eyes turn his way. He worried constantly that one of the others might hear his heart racing, though he knew they were all far too deaf. Harlan kept him on edge, unable to concentrate on anything else long enough to get anything done.

Only now, when Radu was alone in the bunkroom and Harlan was halfway across the ship, could he begin to make any progress in his studies. He was working on their most recent assignment. Ms. Davenport had them studying old Earth literature, and they were currently reading something about a unicorn (whatever that was) who might have been the last in the world. She was trying to get information out of a butterfly, from what he understood; but that was a strange thing to be doing, since - as far as he knew - butterflies were insects, bugs.

_"They ride the horse you call the Macedonai," he intoned absentmindedly;   
and then, very clearly, "Unicorn. Old French, _unicorne_. Latin, _unicornis_.   
Literally, one-horned: _unus_, one, and _cornu_, a horn. A fabulous animal   
resembling a horse with one horn. Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold and   
the mate of the _Nancy_ brig. Has anybody here seen Kelly?" He strutted   
joyously in the air, and the first fireflies blinked around him in wonder   
and grave doubt._

What was that supposed to mean?

The light, mechanical whirr of the jumptube system interrupted his thoughts. He looked up as a person shot out, then quickly fixed his gaze back on his compupad when he realized who it was.

"What are you doing?" said Harlan sharply.

"N-nothing." Radu turned away.

"Oh yeah?" Harlan approached Radu's bunk. "Doesn't look like nothing. Looks to me like you're awfully absorbed in something and you don't want me to know what it is."

"I-I'm just studying, okay?"

"Okay." Harlan folded his arms across his chest, nodding. "Okay, fine. I think I'll just hang out right here and do some studying myself." He turned around and headed over toward his own bunk.

With a sigh, Radu exited the homework program and accessed a simple vidgame, knowing there was no way he'd be able to do anything productive with Harlan around.

  
  
  
"We've been through this," Catalina was saying. "He's not going to listen to me, Suzee."

"I know." Suzee shook her head. "There's something more to this than he's letting on, something I'm not seeing."

"What's to see?" Cat crossed the bunkroom and sat down next to her friend. "Harlan doesn't trust Radu - why? - because he's Andromedan. And there's nothing we can do about it, end of story."

"I don't think that's all it is," Suzee mused, leaning her chin on her hand. "He stares at him all the time. _All_ the _time_, Cat. It's like he doesn't even - " She blinked, a bit startled. "It's almost as if he has a _crush_ on him."

"_What?_" Cat laughed. "Suzee, that's absurd!"

Suzee's eyes narrowed. "Maybe. Maybe not. Radu's a good-looking guy."

"But Harlan _hates_ Andromedans!"

"'Aye, there's the rub'." Suzee smiled. "But come on, Cat, where's your sense of romance? Think - you've got your two classic types of love story: either one of the parties originally hates the other; or they've been best friends for ages, unable to see what's right under their noses."

Cat raised a skeptical eyebrow. "I think we can safely eliminate that second one."

Suzee rolled her eyes. "Sure. But that's not what we're concerned with, is it?" When it was obvious Cat didn't intend to reply, she continued, "_Is_ it?"

Cat sighed. "I suppose you _could_ be right."

"Of course I'm right. But I want to know for sure."

"Yeah? How?"

"...I'm working on it."

  
  
  
She loved mornings like this. Well, it wasn't _really_ morning, since there wasn't any such thing in space; but that didn't matter. She was happy to be on the ComPost, putting in her watch for the day.

A small flickering signal on the console before her alerted her to the presence of a small object floating in space. "Screen on," said Rosie. She blinked. "That _can't_ be what it looks like."

The door _shhck!_ed open, allowing Radu to enter. "Morning, Rosie, I - hey, what's that?"

"It looks like a stuffed bear."

  
  
  
"It's made you sick, affected the way you think." And it had. He knew Harlan didn't trust him, but at least he trusted Harlan. The virus had changed that. Worse, it had made him put everyone in danger. Everything had seemed strange and frightening; everyone had seemed evil. He had been trapped in his own fear.

Rosie had saved him just in time to save Harlan from the airlock, but Harlan hadn't seemed to appreciate it very much.

He couldn't hear Harlan now - couldn't hear any of them; that was the point. He needed to rest, and it was agreed that he'd probably sleep better if he couldn't hear everyone else. So he was spending the night in Medlab.

He found he couldn't sleep at all - not without the comforting sound of Harlan's heartbeat.


	3. Chapter 2: Coming Storm

**The Honour Roll:** Fireagle (love you dearling), Washu, Mousie, Rae-chan (love _you_, too), El Juno, chiquita416, Silver Angel and Adam. Thank you all. ^_^

**A/N:** Sorry I'm taking so insanely long to get chapters out. I see people like Riley and J.L. Matthews (Harry Potter fandom, Slyth- and Snapefics), churning out chapters a mile a minute, and I look at my own paltry six-page offerings once a month (or month and a half!), and it depresses me and I'm completely useless to the world at large for several days. ^_^; I write slowly as of late. There was a time when I could churn out a chapter a night, or at least a week, and that time was known as high school. I had far fewer responsibilities then; I had all the time in the world to write fic. So be aware that I am doing my level best, and I'll have the next chapter out sometime in April, I think. ^_^

I've been struggling with severe writer's block this past month. Been working on shifting it, but it's been slow going. Please bear with me if this chapter seems horribly contrived.

That said, I'd like to profusely thank Sarah McLachlan for recording "Shelter", which got me working on this again and to which, in fact, I listened throughout the writing of this entire chapter. Thanks also to Victoria Bitter for making the LotR:FotR songvid using "Shelter", which is how I first heard it and the only way I have to hear it. (Not that I'm complaining, mind. Beautiful vid. I weep openly when I view it.)

Next chapter ties us back in with canon again. This means I'm going to have to dig out my tapes - I lie, they're set out neatly in front of my VCR. ^^

**Spoilers:** A tiny one for season 1 episode 8, "It's My Birthday Too (Yeah)", but not set during/around that episode.

  
  
  
Chapter Two: Coming Storm

_They're crowded into the smallest spaces   
While outside all of nature cries   
It's known to be cruel and unfair   
But there is no place to hide_   
**~"Shelter", Sarah McLachlan**

  
  
  
Some part of him must have been aware that he was dreaming. By this point he had experienced the same nightmare in the neighborhood of several hundred times. The details tended to fluctuate and the vividness had increased over the years, but it always began the same.

He was running, flanked by about thirty others; the corridor twisted and turned seemingly with a will of its own. There was a blaster in his hands. He heard his own voice, his father's voice, barking orders. The passage took a sharp bend to the right.

The Enemy.

Andromedans, hundreds of them. Armed. Deadly. They had been waiting, or massing, or god knew what; they were inevitable, and they were charging.

At this point the dream always hurled him out of his father's body, and he became a mere observer of this scene which had haunted him since the night the dream had been real. The small contingent of Stardogs were surrounded in a matter of seconds, separated, destroyed. His father was swiftly dismembered by the faceless horde.

Not this time.

This time he was grabbed roughly by the shoulder and dragged inexorably backward, back down the corridor the way they had come. The Andromedans didn't seem to notice his absence, and for that he was grateful. He turned, when they had stopped, to thank his savior.

The face that confronted him was Radu's.

In that moment time, space, the nightmare itself fled from him; from them, from Radu's presence.

_You saved me._ His tone was what he felt, wondering and small.

_Yes._ A simple acknowledgement, a slight dip of the head.

_Why did you?_

_I had to._

_But **why**?_

_Because._ Radu's eyes were like a cornered animal's, fierce and frightened.

Harlan waited. _That isn't a reason._

_It's because I love you._ Looked away, down, hid his face behind a curtain of hair.

It couldn't be. He couldn't mean it. _You don't -_

_Of course I do._ A tiny smile; sort of "What did you expect?"

_You - you really..._ Tentative joy swelled in him, trying to break free of his fears, as if it had been waiting for just this chance.

He woke, grinning, and clutched his pillow tightly as he turned onto his side. _He loves me?_ It was too much happiness - he thought it would break him. Harlan shifted onto his back again, folding his hands behind his head. This was the best thing that had ever happened to him -

"What the _fuck_?" he whispered forcefully, his eyes widening in horror.

  
  
  
_What am I doing **here**?_

Radu _remembered_ this. He had been told, of course; everyone had. All the battles were well documented; the hatchlings were drilled as rigorously in history as in everything else. But most of them could _remember_, as if they had been there. It was just something Andromedans did.

What was he _doing_ here?

Leading the group of Stardogs who were attacking, however, was someone who Radu was certain had _not_ been present. What was _Harlan_ doing here?

Harlan was going to _die_.

He acted quickly; no one registered him hurtling through the press of bodies, dragging Harlan away down the corridor. Harlan himself hadn't noticed it was Radu, he didn't think. It didn't matter.

Then, abruptly, Harlan noticed.

_You saved me._

_Yes._ Of course he had.

_Why did you?_ Harlan was supremely confused and Radu didn't understand why.

_I had to._

_But **why**?_ As if Harlan's existence wasn't reason enough.

_Because._ Could he do this? Could he tell him?

After what might have been seconds or centuries, _That isn't a reason._

Breathe - _It's because I love you._ He averted his eyes; this had been dumb.

_You don't -_

_Of course I do._ What else could he do?

_You - you really..._ Harlan sounded so incredulous; maybe humans didn't even have homosexuality.

It was a tiny sound that woke Radu, just a mechanical blip - one of the Medlab's instruments recognizing to itself that he was still whole and hale. He started, gazing around at the blackness with wide eyes and _listening_.

It had been a dream, then.

Relief welled up in him like the tears in his eyes, and he chided himself for having been so foolish as to hope - even in dreams - before silently crying himself back to sleep.


End file.
